RACH, SACH & GETTING MARRIED!!!

Yes, people.. I got married! Still feels weird though. Talking of weirdos, how can I forget Rach, my sweet nephew who believes in aliens, cartoons and junk food? He believed I was going to marry him since we kept proposing to each other at home whenever we had time, which was like everyday (We still do). We are the biggest ‘velas’ in the whole world and our world revolves around each other. We watch Shinchan together and laugh at all the inappropriate jokes. We dance like Shinchan too. You have an idea now of the kind of madness that prevails at my home.

So, Rach was under this stupid impression that he was somehow the groom at my wedding. Even though my fiancé (now husband) had met him a number of times, still Rach continued to harbor this fantasy where Masi would marry him (him wearing the blue sherwani and the new pointed black shoes) and all would be well. He continued talking about his classmates and how proud he would feel to be the first one to get married in his class. And believe me, at this supposedly tender age, this kid, with a morbid imagination,  worries about who would fill his son’s school admission form, who would light the pyre in case his mumma or masi  die and so on and so forth!! So, Rach continued preparing for the wedding in his own weird world where he would be welcoming the guests, accepting gifts, getting pictures clicked with the bride, sampling the non-vegetarian food and getting married too, in the process. He fantasized of blossoming in the attention he thought he was going to get…Poor chap. He was in for a rude awakening.

      Rach’s Masi, on the other hand, was acting even weirder than him (If that is possible!) With just a fortnight left for the wedding, she was crying day and night. Not for leaving the family or loved ones behind. Not because she was scared of what the future might hold. Not even because of her alter ego-Rach. It was because Sachin Tendulkar was retiring! Her heart was in tatters. Her Facebook and Whatsap status reflected her pain and agony. She avoided going to markets when the match was on. She stayed glued to the TV. No tension about her upcoming nuptials.. The lady wrote, “Gods don’t retire. Period.” on her FB wall just days before her wedding.  All the bidaai songs fell on deaf ears. She just heard one name, one chant:

SACHINNNNN….. SACHINNN!!!!..

She stopped dancing like Shinchan and stopped eating Maggi. Rach was bewildered. Why wasn’t the bride-to-be happy and eating Maggi and other junk food? Why didn’t she fight with him for that last piece of Kurkure? He even tried his famous “fake farting” technique which was known to make her fall on the floor in hysterical laughter. But all in vain. He just got two tight slaps from Mumma and retreated to a corner, sulking like a groom. This was the scene in Delhi 5, a few days before the wedding.

The wedding was in Orissa, so all boarded the train with 20 pieces of luggage, excluding Rach. The women got sentimental during the journey at several points. They were trying to convince the bride to behave in a more ladylike manner and to develop this superhuman ability to cry at the right time and to control her guffaws at wrong moments. She, still mourning Sach’s retirement, paid no heed. The wedding party reached Orissa. Rach still didn’t figure out why all of them had to go to OOORISA (as he pronounces it) when they could have married in Delhi!! Delusional kid, I tell you.

 Snapshots from the wedding now :

*The bride had to  whistle like a maniac along with the music at the sangeet cos no body else knew how to!
 *Rach saw the red crabs and was ecstatic.

*On the wedding day, Rach was at a loss. His New Black Pointy Shoes suddenly seemed tight and he had to wear his loafers.

*When he reached the venue, he realized that there was actually another groom who was reaching in a decorated car.
*Rach looked forlorn but cheered up when he saw the golgappa stall at the venue. So what if he wasn’t getting married…there were still golgappas to live for. He stealthily escaped his mumma’s gaze and managed to soothe his heart with the tangy golgappas.

*The bride, meanwhile, refused to look shy or comely. She was chatting on and on and complaining that she was hungry.

*When the baraat arrived and negotiations about the ribbon cutting amount were going on, Rach, the farter and deserter, joined the groom’s side. He thought he was now the BEST MAN! The Defector had no idea what lay in store for him. His share of the “loot” was given to the bride. Poor chap returned home empty handed, still very much a bachelor! He still remembers OORISSA and red crabs and the day he almost got married.