WILDEST DREAMS/ THINGS I WANNA SEE HAPPENING IN THIS YEAR!!

* My wildest dream is to GIVE an autograph to Amitabh Bachchan and Sachin Tendulkar.

* Become an International bestselling author overnight and get a fortune like Rowling (Just a Harry Potter of my own!!)

* Write something ‘ORIGINAL’ on Shakespeare.

* Live in a “BABY FREE “world! God, Is that asking for too much?? The three monsters at home prove everyday that Bush was looking for WMD’s in the wrong place.

* Kiss Johnny Depp. (I did say WILDEST DREAMS!!)

*Be a guest at OPRAH for achieving any of the above.

* Backpack around the world (When someone else is paying for it,

of course!)

*Adopt Grandparents. (God knows, I could do with some adult supervision)

*Get a Tree of my own. With a bench to go along with it. (something like Notting Hill.. Where is my Hugh Grant?? Even Ronan Keating would do!)

*Find my Rhett Butler (Usually known/ referred to as soul mate in common man’s vocab)

*Increase the no. of fans on orkut. Figure out the bribes to be given.

*Get Juno, the __________ to address me as ‘maasi’ and give her a makeover. She is too much of a tomboy!!

*Write the sequel to ‘Kubla Khan’. (Without the help of prescribed drugs)

* Get a waist like Scarlett O’Hara. (For the uninformed, it was 16 inches only)

* Set up my own band aid factory or something since I’m the biggest consumer of the product. I promise to give discounts to all those who are in my fan list at Orkut and to those who praise my poetry at AP.

* Grow Nails.

* Get married to a real prince. Then ‘WE’ would see all the above coming true. Imagine ‘WE’ would have:

- Film stars asking for ‘Our’ autograph

- Oprah fawning over ‘us’

- Publishers dying to publish ‘Our’ biography/ story/ poetry

- Shakespeare himself coming back from the grave to write ‘Our’ thesis on his plays. He would be original, ‘WE’ think. Watsay?

- Juno accepting that ‘We’ are the real royals

- ‘We’ would own several acres full of trees

- Johnny Depp would... well.... ummm.. Let’s not create a royal scandal!!

So people... there is still time for you. Count your blessings that you still have the chance to do something meaningful in life. You are getting a chance to be friends with ‘Us”.

Bless All!! Gotta practice the royal protocol. Happy New Year!

Creating God

Creating Gods
I created a God for myself
When I lost...
And when I found love...
I conversed with Him
Shared moments
And I saw the cracks in my faith
Long before I admitted it to Him...


On the pavements, there lay
Innumerable mother figures
Brought to life by rough, illiterate hands
Man creating God
And then worshiping his own creation
Folding the same hands that had moulded
A Deity.

I understood faith that day.


Cold winter nights
A mother willingly feeding her
Miniscule share to her little one
Adding hunger to her bag of plights
With a god-like benign smile on her face

I understood a mother that day.


A rose that I had kept in a diary,
Hidden or perhaps forgotten
By the One who had given it
In a moment of craziness,
The fading petals crumbling
At the slightest touch
Just like the pieces of a heart

I understood pain that day.


I prayed for your end
Knowing I had no other choice
I chose freedom
For both you and me
I know you wouldn’t have done that
I know you forgive me

I understood guilt that day.


I grew out of fairy tales
Stopped believing in ‘happily ever-afters’
A cynic, some called me
I don’t care any more
My rare smiles grow even more brittle
And my laughter is silent
But my heart remains unbroken
Unhurt.
I smile at the world and close the door
I’m alone. I’ve learnt
The art of creating

Pain

Love

God.

Juno, Jughead and Maggi

This weekend was spent with Juno who graced us with her presence early Saturday morning. This girl is not named after a mythical Goddess or some circus elephant. Her parents loved the Oscar nominated movie Juno so much that they decided to name their first born after the protagonist. To begin with Juno.. just saying Juno does not seem enough. I know her mom would kill me for this but don’t you expect it to be something like “Juno the elephant” or Juno the.............. I mean something..... Someone should fill that blank seriously. So Juno looks like a tiny tot [Even though she celebrated her first birthday last month], holds herself quite regally and can make you feel like an idiot with just her stare. We always feel like she is the ‘visiting royalty’ [must have got the genes from her Mom].
On this particular Saturday, she arrived looking freshly bathed and smelling nice in her colorful attire. And she actually looked down at me. Who bathes early on a Saturday morning tell me?? She came downstairs and behaved like a celebrity visiting a third-world country. I expected her to start throwing food packets any minute. Sighing with disdain, the lady chose to be seated on a tricycle.. the catch is that one has to hold her in place.. her little legs do not touch the ground and I felt like her loyal subject, kneeling before her. All the attempts to make her laugh went unacknowledged. I wanted to see if she would cry on being slapped but fear of retaliation by her mom made me curb my not so Gandhian instincts. She ignored all offers of biscuits, toffees and chocolates [wish I had that kind of will power] and she proceeded to talk in her code language to Rachit who was grinning at being the ‘chosen one’. Juno let loose a series of incoherent sounds and Rachit was nodding his head and jumping with excitement. He brought one toy after another to show her and that is when Juno started howling loud enough for her mom to come and threaten me. I looked here and there for the reason of this discontent and then I discovered her weak point. HA HA. The lady is scared of teddy bears.. Do you even need to ask what I am gifting her the next time she comes to visit??

Saturday also marked the beginning of Navratras. Don’t ask me why but I actually thought I could keep all the fasts [a last effort to lose some weight, I guess]. Anyway I have realized within three and a half day of fasting that I have a lot in common with my idol Jughead. The first day of fasting Moni promised she would make some yummy Khichdi. Having had nothing besides an apple and two cups of tea in the entire day, it sure sounded promising. Oh, how I wish it could have looked and tasted like that too. Lesson learnt on Day 1: Stay away from burnt peanuts, especially if you have a bad taste in your mouth.

Day 2: Moni was contrite. Promised to make something edible. Foolishly I agreed. Ate two apples instead of the usual one, just to be on the safe side. Good I took that measure. What was served in my plate made even Rachit crunch up his nose and ask, “What is that??”

Day 3: The time had come to do something. Two days of going hungry is not good for your temper. Decided to take matters in my hands. Thought of experimenting with a new kind of dish. It turned out well but alas... the quantity was barely enough for the two hungry souls.

Started hallucinating and dreaming about food since last night. And I have been watching all the cookery shows on TV. MORBID, isn’t it? And you know what is the worst part? Making hot steaming Maggi for the two monsters AND watching them relish every bite....

P.S. Jughead, I know what it feels to be hungry all the time..

Behind the Veil

The footprints of people dead and gone
The whispering voices I hear alone
That single touch I longed to steal
I see thee standing behind the veil..

The answers to questions I asked in vain
All doubts that weren’t washed away by rain
The flood of tears held back and sealed
For the truth that lies behind the veil..

Mine eyes have searched for thee so long
A glimpse sufficed with entity gone
Believing thou still has the power to heal
Mine eyes meet thine behind the veil..

Eyes that see yet cannot cry
Arms that long to hold on tight
Lips that move but words unseen
Silenced by the curse behind the veil..

I know not how to cross the gate
Neither the answer to change the state
I know now how it makes you feel
A fluttering heart behind the veil..

The veil between some hearts that care
The veil divides, the veil makes us share
A love like the world has never seen...

I’ll wait each breath
for the last breath that seals
My final journey
Behind the veil...

The Last Words

“My dear child, I’ll have to go
And leave you all alone
Remember me with love tender
When I’m dead and gone

In the morning if you miss that hug
Or in the noon, that smile,
In the evenings the words of prayer
My child, I’ll bless you from miles...

If you are ever set against the odds
Don’t bend or break down
Remember someone believes in you
Apart from the Great one with the golden crown

Don’t cry... Don’t shed these tears
They are pearls... Can’t you see?
They may drop down from your eyes
But it’s my heart that bleeds...

I hate to leave you alone, my child
But since there is no other way
This night of sorrow shall pass
And we’ll meet again some day...”

A Mirror's Confession

I’m sorry I lied…

In that moment of harsh truth,

Softened by the pity

Moved by the plea and the fear in your eyes...

A fear shared by all women through eternity.

I lied to save you the pain

But lost……

Though God knows

I tried

Shall We Dance?

Being born in a Punju family that does not need an occasion to break into a jig, my dancing capabilities have never been questioned. Whenever there is a function or a wedding, you can find my entire family grooving on the dance floor.. Well except for the person who is getting married maybe. Since childhood we train our kids to show off their dancing capabilities at various occasions. And the competition is pretty tough. All our kids seem to learn is dance :P

Enough of charting out my lineage where dancing is concerned. I would rather talk about the people I love to see dance.. There are people who bring the dance floor alive.. not because they have any training or such but because they dance without a care in the world. My theory about dance is pretty simple. There are two categories of people who are considered good dancers: Sachin Tendulkars and Rahul Dravids. Don’t get boggled down.. Any cricket loving person would agree that while Rahul Dravid has magnificent technique and correct everything, it’s Sachin we enjoy watching more.. So logically it follows that no matter how much you learn technique, if you don’t have that spark, it won’t work for you. Technique does help, but attitude conquers all.

So here are some people who rock the dance floor..:

Kids: Kids are born Tendulkars.. taking example of the two monsters at home who start jumping enthusiastically whenever any dance-able song is played, well.. It is jumping.. no technique but their delight is unmatched by anyone.. I cannot imagine any adult dancing/ jumping with such abandon. And their repeat performances do not fail to delight.

Oldies: Old world charm or nostalgia.. there is a certain charm about old aunties who step forward shyly at weddings and then rock the dance floor. They are slow, reluctant starters.. but when they get in the groove, you can’t budge them from the dance floor..[Believe me, I have tried quite a few times!!].

Cartoons: Not the mimicry artists from Mumbai, but our very own family walas....there is a mimic or a cartoon character in every family. When this fellow joins the dance floor, you can be sure of entertainment. Be it the filmy heroes or any music rock stars, he/she makes sure that the space vacated the floor or the special music being played for him/ her is justified!!

Sardars: It’s just that when sardars dance there is nothing to match it. Their songs, their music.. makes a delightful mixture. Their enjoyment is vivid maybe because of their music and its beats.. but rock they do!!

Me.. of course: I don’t need a reason to be in this list.. This IS MY BLOG!!

My Best Friend: Rarely have I seen anybody follow dance with such passion.. and I’m not writing this to make her follow my blog.. :P

Salman Khan: Well.. the guy is not a great dancer.. but he DOES take off his shirt each time..

Any South Indian Actor: Especially the not so new ones.. remind me of OSO and SRK.. MIND IT!!

Rajkumari: Not a real princess.. She was a maid or rather a babysitter we once had..she was around ten years old, with a grin stretching from Kashmir to KK.. Ash and I asked her to dance once and BOY...she danced with full abandon.. forgetting that the oil fed lice from her hair were falling on ground.. A bindaas performance.. total entertainment.. :D

Rosesh Sarabhai: HE did dance in a couple of episodes.. when he wasn’t writing poetry or saying Mommaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

Farhan Akhtar: The man ROCKS!!!

To be contd...

A blank note of love

In my mind, we have

Loved each other..
Showered red roses
Sung a million love songs
Already

And that bench beneath that big banyan tree..
Remember?
We have passed hours there just talking
About many things
Already

We have celebrated a thousand Valentines
In my mind..
Each one more special than the other

What can I give you then
But a blank note of love
I strive to find words to adorn it
To embroider my feelings
with the thread of care

It is not emptiness..
It is for you to pour out
your special memories and moments
I’m all ears to hear you speak
After those silences we share
Where your eyes convey
what you never say

I know you still haven’t found a way
Novel enough for you
So I’m giving you a blank note of love...
Will that do?

I HAVE NO ANSWERS!!!!!!!!!!

I look over my shoulder

With a nervous glance
To make sure “you two” don’t follow
Dreading a meeting with you by chance.....

I’m a nervous wreck by now
Sweating and shuddering alike
Holding my arms up in prayer,
“O lord....Just for today...
Please don’t let the “monsters” strike!!!”

Your ten thousand questions
About a simple cow
Your whats, whens,
whys and hows...

The moment your eyes
Get that curious light
I know it’s the right time
to disappear out of sight

Like a maniac I run
And try to hide under the bed
Of course you find me out
And I'm dragged out instead..

And then it begins again
The never ending cycle
“Why is an elephant so big?”
“Why is a cat called a cat still?”

“Why do kids wear diapers?”
“Why don’t big people go to school?”
“Why does Shah Rukh Khan dance on train?”
“How come ice cream is so cool?”

“What does Monu- the doll eat?”
“Where do lizards sleep?”
“How do people get into TV?”
“Let’s sing BABA BLACK SHEEP”

I’m stunned into silence
Where do I begin?
The beginning of the beginning
Or the ending of the end????

There are animals to be identified
And rhymes to be sung
I’m supposed to know Monu’s preferred cuisines
And also the precise ingredients of cow dung

Out of use and incapable
My nervous voice just slurs,
"Sorry my two monsters
I have no answers!!!!!"

Tell me a tale...

Once upon a time... That is how it begins every time- our introduction to the world of stories. And that is the only common factor between stories of two different generations. While growing up, I read stories in books like Nandan and Champak. Stories of kings and palaces and magical creatures. Or else stories about animals who could talk and preach as well :P. I never knew being a storyteller would be such a ghastly job...

Setting: A house in Delhi 5. A lazy Sunday.

Circumstances: Three kids dumped by their respective parents on a poor RELUCTANT babysitter (who is never paid btw)

Scene: A bedroom where the bed is scarcely visible, covered in clutter and toys. A girl enters carrying a bawling ten-month old baby( who incidentally is named Juno), followed by two kids who are trying to get ahead of each other by pulling at each others’ hair, clothes and pretty much everything.. :P. Inevitably the kicking, screaming starts and this time the baby joins in.. The girl plonks Juno on bed and yanks the other two by their arms. They are made to remove footwear and climb on the bed. The reason for their sudden obedience and silence is the one word that works magic.. the offer of a “story”

Here is how it goes..

Shivanshi: Mujhe baba wali, metro wali, jungle wali aur animal wali story sunao

Rachit: NAHIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mujhe crocodile wali, dirty duck wali sunao

Girl: Err.....(Dumbstruck at so many demands, just looks at Juno to see if she has any demands too.. Juno is busy nibbling at the toy duck and oblivious to all)

Rachit: Meri wali story.....

Shivanshi: Meir waaaaaaaaaaali storyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Girl: Stop it................... Meri wali story suno chup chap..

The kids nod in agreement, having no clue what they have let themselves into.. The Story begins.. It is about a witch with a bloody face, who stalks the streets at night with a candle in her hands looking for naughty and disobedient kids.. She then takes the kids to her hut in the forest where she cooks and eats them. It is being told with full sound effects... There is complete silence in the room, broken only by the girl’s voice. . The kids are staring at her with their mouths hanging open, eyes opened wide.. even the baby has abandoned the duck and is listening avidly... Just as the story reaches the point where the witch reaches her destination and is standing outside the house of a naughty kid.. there is a knock at the door, followed by a loud crash.. And then it is mayhem.. the kids think that the witch has come to get them (When all the while she was narrating the story to them :P). They scream and start crying.. Juno believing that this is a kind of after-story ritual, joins in with full force.. They all try to get as close to the girl as possible who they believe will protect them from the witch.. (AS IF!! She has been searching for the witch’s address to drop them off there). The kids kick each other wildly.. in the resulting scrams and cries, it is discovered that Juno has wet herself.. the knocking becomes more persistent... more bawling.. more crying and screaming.. “What worse could happen??”, the girl thinks aloud..
And then....


...........................


The power goes off...

I leave the rest to your fertile imagination..

P.S. Don’t ask me to show the battle scars.. :P