Khushi..

Khushi..

This word wrecks havoc with the BP and heart rate of residents of a particular street in Delhi 5. A two-plus terror, with maggi-noodle like hair, Khushi's screams have elicited groans of pain and terror from one and all. Rachit and Shivanshi are not immune to her. While Rachit still puts up a brave fight whenever Khushi is in the battle mode, Shivanshi just prays that God would make her invisible.

Khushi feels a strange affiliation to me. Don't know why I'm the CHOSEN ONE. She is perhaps under the impression that our home is a baby salon or something. She arrives everyday around 11 and expects me to wait upon her. Nail paint, combs, clips, toys.... all things are touched and appreciated.. She mumbles and jumbles.. picks out her favorite nail paint and goes on and paints my home blue.. a dash here.. a splash there.. and her job is done.

One summer day she arrived as usual and was delighted to find Rachit and Shivanshi sprawled on the floor, busy coloring. Peace is NOT acceptable to Khushi. She shrieked once, twice. Shivanshi quietly surrendered her drawing book while Rachit hid behind me. Just then my phone rang. I handed Khushi her favorite nail paint to quieten her and went outside to take the call. Two minutes was all she needed. And I returned to find that she has moved on to painting human forms.. live models.. I entered the room to find Shivanshi in a corner, sporting two blue imprints of little hands on either cheek, her eyes huge with unshed tears. Rachit was still unscathed. He couldn't decide whether to laugh at Shivanshi's fate or cry because it would be his turn soon.. Khushi turned around when I started laughing.. I could have hugged her.. She has achieved the unmanageable. She has tamed my two monsters!!

...

Don’t give me a list of possibilities and probabilities

I don’t need “if only’s” and “what if’s”

Chipping away at this wall-

That I have created around my heart…

Brick by brick

I have created this shield

Leaving no vents for friends or foes…

I’m sick of friends

Who chip away at these walls

INSISTENT

PERSISTENT

Like termites

Pest like they put up signboards

Signifying occupancy

And ruin my digestion

I still don’t know how to categorize you

Don’t know if I love you or hate you more…

I should learn the art of staying aloof

Of saying no to friend requests sent by strangers

And ignore matchmaking attempts…

Don’t give me the silver linings

They don’t work anyway

Just let me go and mingle with the black clouds

... My namesake.

Ten Confessions...

How many times have you urged someone to confess something? Is there anything you want to confess but don’t have the courage to?
The urge to blurt things out is hard to suppress. Nothing exceptional here... just a few random things that are important to me. Most of these are embarrassing actually... stuff that I pretend I don’t do or like... Time to make some confessions here:-

1. THE FIRST CONFESSION: I adore Mills & Boons. Love reading them. Settling down with a good boss- secretary romance is my idea of bliss! I also love historical fiction... You know now what kind of books would occupy the maximum space in my library... come one I have just this one life to read all of them...:P

2. Confession 2: I CRY. Yes, I do. People who know me might not believe this, but I do cry at silly things. What makes me cry would be the subject matter of another blog entry but the last time I cried was I when I watched Paa... and Armageddon and Stepmom...


3. Confession 3: I don’t actually hate kids and babies that much. I get the occasional, over the top, screechy, hysterical fit when I have to deal with the two monsters at home... but what the heck... I always had a preference for the horror, the gory and the macabre.

HA HA HA!

(DID YOU ACTUALLY THINK I WOULD DECLARE MY LOVE FOR JUNO HERE??)

4. Confession 4: I often day dream about the superpower I would like to get. I guess I would love to be a master of legilimency (Potter fans know that it is the art of reading minds!) Or the power to become invisible. I guess some news channel would employ me as their 24X7 sting operation specialist!!
I like to believe that daydreaming about this topic would motivate me to create a comic strip based on superhero/ fantasy character.


5. Confession 5: I dream of and am working towards the 2 things I want to own in this life- a tree and a library of my own. So people, who have lent me books, just forget about them and those whose books are missing... you are right... I STOLE THEM!


6. Confession 6: I always...ALWAYS cross my fingers before I open this page/ blog and utter this holy incantation, “Please god... just one more follower!”


7. Confession 7: I still haven’t managed to figure out the difference between quite and quiet, effect and affect and many such things... Quiet weird ehh?



8. Confession 8: I feel murderous when people ask me the meanings of random, big sounding words. And if I do not have the answer they smirk and say in a derisive tone, “AND YOU ARE A LIT STUDENT?? BAH!” Someone should tell them that the curriculum of the universities does not include vocab lesson....urrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!


9. Confession 9: Just because I’m studying Shakespeare, it doesn’t mean that I am walking talking information centre or line-identifying, giving-the-context-guide for you... I am still a student. Have pity on me!!



The Final Confession: ..........................................

.................................


...................


.............


........

....

...

........................ I am in love :D

BARDOLATRY!

I guess it’s high time I wrote something about the bard too. Just checked online and saw that my research proposal has been selected! I had promised myself that I would write something on Shakespeare if I did manage to get into Ph.D. Phew! Here it goes...

My Favourites in Shakespeare:

Favourite Play: King Lear- Well the reason for this being my favourite is kind of weird. This is the only play where the Bard has managed to affect my tear ducts. (Believe me.. that is TOUGH job!!)

Favourite Sonnet:

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Favorite Shakespearean Hero: Not that I’m a feminist, but choosing a favorite here seems like a task! Hmm.. It should be Prince Hal (Henry V) of the plays Henry IV I & II. No tragic heroes for me.

Favorite Shakespearean Heroine: The Serpent of the Nile- Cleopatra

Favorite movie on/about Shakespeare: Shakespeare in Love

Favorite adaptation of Shakespeare: Kenneth Branagh’s Much Ado About Nothing (It has Keanu Reeves as Don John!!)

Favorite lines from Shakespeare: ‘Et tu, Brute!” – Julius Caesar

Favorite critic(s) on Shakespeare: Bruce Smith, Valerie Traub and Carol McNeely

Favorite Bit of Trivia on Shakespeare: The average American's vocabulary is around 10,000 words - 15,000 if you are REALLY smart. Shakespeare had a vocabulary of over 29,000 words.

Favorite Shakespearean Insult: “I'll beat thee, but I should infect my hands!”

Favorite Shakespeare Biographer: Bill Bryson

A book on the bard I want to read: A Hunkier Shakespeare

Favorite Shakespearean Quotations

* Hamlet, III: 1

To be, or not to be: that is the question.

* Romeo and Juliet, II:2

Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow.

* Twelfth Night, II:5

Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.

* Merchant of Venice, III:1

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

* Hamlet, I:5

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

* Macbeth, I:3

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not, speak then to me.

* Two Gentlemen of Verona, I:2
They do not love that do not show their love.

* The Merchant of Venice, I:3
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. An evil soul producing holy witness Is like a villain with a smiling cheek, A goodly apple rotten at the heart. O what a goodly outside falsehood hath!

* King Lear, III:6
He's mad that trusts in the tameness of a wolf, a horse's health, a boy's love, or a whore's oath.

And I would like to end this post by quoting Shakespeare’s epitaph:

Good frend for jesus sake forbeare to
digg the dust encloased heare.
Blest be ye man yt spares thes stones and
curst be he yt moves my bones

God's Dilemma

Strolling behind the gates of heaven
I was surrounded by clouds
of prayers, wishes, hopes and requests
Money, success, love, health
All formed a halo of materiality
and in the human cloud of want
I felt lost...

Suddenly I blinked
Someone down there on Earth
had asked for ‘Nothing’ as her birthday gift
I looked closely
and found her kneeling in prayer
with tears in her eyes.

She said, “You have taken my all...
Now give me nothing, nothing at all.
If I have anything ......anything I hold dear
with it there would be happiness
but also a dark fear
A fear of too many smiles
that could be lost anytime
So give me nothing, nothing my lord
That is my wish this time”


Speechless, I just wondered
and saw her sorrow unwind
A spirit broken by hardship
and cruelty of time
Clueless, unsure of what to do
I’m searching all the time
What can I really give
to this favourite child of mine?

WILDEST DREAMS/ THINGS I WANNA SEE HAPPENING IN THIS YEAR!!

* My wildest dream is to GIVE an autograph to Amitabh Bachchan and Sachin Tendulkar.

* Become an International bestselling author overnight and get a fortune like Rowling (Just a Harry Potter of my own!!)

* Write something ‘ORIGINAL’ on Shakespeare.

* Live in a “BABY FREE “world! God, Is that asking for too much?? The three monsters at home prove everyday that Bush was looking for WMD’s in the wrong place.

* Kiss Johnny Depp. (I did say WILDEST DREAMS!!)

*Be a guest at OPRAH for achieving any of the above.

* Backpack around the world (When someone else is paying for it,

of course!)

*Adopt Grandparents. (God knows, I could do with some adult supervision)

*Get a Tree of my own. With a bench to go along with it. (something like Notting Hill.. Where is my Hugh Grant?? Even Ronan Keating would do!)

*Find my Rhett Butler (Usually known/ referred to as soul mate in common man’s vocab)

*Increase the no. of fans on orkut. Figure out the bribes to be given.

*Get Juno, the __________ to address me as ‘maasi’ and give her a makeover. She is too much of a tomboy!!

*Write the sequel to ‘Kubla Khan’. (Without the help of prescribed drugs)

* Get a waist like Scarlett O’Hara. (For the uninformed, it was 16 inches only)

* Set up my own band aid factory or something since I’m the biggest consumer of the product. I promise to give discounts to all those who are in my fan list at Orkut and to those who praise my poetry at AP.

* Grow Nails.

* Get married to a real prince. Then ‘WE’ would see all the above coming true. Imagine ‘WE’ would have:

- Film stars asking for ‘Our’ autograph

- Oprah fawning over ‘us’

- Publishers dying to publish ‘Our’ biography/ story/ poetry

- Shakespeare himself coming back from the grave to write ‘Our’ thesis on his plays. He would be original, ‘WE’ think. Watsay?

- Juno accepting that ‘We’ are the real royals

- ‘We’ would own several acres full of trees

- Johnny Depp would... well.... ummm.. Let’s not create a royal scandal!!

So people... there is still time for you. Count your blessings that you still have the chance to do something meaningful in life. You are getting a chance to be friends with ‘Us”.

Bless All!! Gotta practice the royal protocol. Happy New Year!

Creating God

Creating Gods
I created a God for myself
When I lost...
And when I found love...
I conversed with Him
Shared moments
And I saw the cracks in my faith
Long before I admitted it to Him...


On the pavements, there lay
Innumerable mother figures
Brought to life by rough, illiterate hands
Man creating God
And then worshiping his own creation
Folding the same hands that had moulded
A Deity.

I understood faith that day.


Cold winter nights
A mother willingly feeding her
Miniscule share to her little one
Adding hunger to her bag of plights
With a god-like benign smile on her face

I understood a mother that day.


A rose that I had kept in a diary,
Hidden or perhaps forgotten
By the One who had given it
In a moment of craziness,
The fading petals crumbling
At the slightest touch
Just like the pieces of a heart

I understood pain that day.


I prayed for your end
Knowing I had no other choice
I chose freedom
For both you and me
I know you wouldn’t have done that
I know you forgive me

I understood guilt that day.


I grew out of fairy tales
Stopped believing in ‘happily ever-afters’
A cynic, some called me
I don’t care any more
My rare smiles grow even more brittle
And my laughter is silent
But my heart remains unbroken
Unhurt.
I smile at the world and close the door
I’m alone. I’ve learnt
The art of creating

Pain

Love

God.

Juno, Jughead and Maggi

This weekend was spent with Juno who graced us with her presence early Saturday morning. This girl is not named after a mythical Goddess or some circus elephant. Her parents loved the Oscar nominated movie Juno so much that they decided to name their first born after the protagonist. To begin with Juno.. just saying Juno does not seem enough. I know her mom would kill me for this but don’t you expect it to be something like “Juno the elephant” or Juno the.............. I mean something..... Someone should fill that blank seriously. So Juno looks like a tiny tot [Even though she celebrated her first birthday last month], holds herself quite regally and can make you feel like an idiot with just her stare. We always feel like she is the ‘visiting royalty’ [must have got the genes from her Mom].
On this particular Saturday, she arrived looking freshly bathed and smelling nice in her colorful attire. And she actually looked down at me. Who bathes early on a Saturday morning tell me?? She came downstairs and behaved like a celebrity visiting a third-world country. I expected her to start throwing food packets any minute. Sighing with disdain, the lady chose to be seated on a tricycle.. the catch is that one has to hold her in place.. her little legs do not touch the ground and I felt like her loyal subject, kneeling before her. All the attempts to make her laugh went unacknowledged. I wanted to see if she would cry on being slapped but fear of retaliation by her mom made me curb my not so Gandhian instincts. She ignored all offers of biscuits, toffees and chocolates [wish I had that kind of will power] and she proceeded to talk in her code language to Rachit who was grinning at being the ‘chosen one’. Juno let loose a series of incoherent sounds and Rachit was nodding his head and jumping with excitement. He brought one toy after another to show her and that is when Juno started howling loud enough for her mom to come and threaten me. I looked here and there for the reason of this discontent and then I discovered her weak point. HA HA. The lady is scared of teddy bears.. Do you even need to ask what I am gifting her the next time she comes to visit??

Saturday also marked the beginning of Navratras. Don’t ask me why but I actually thought I could keep all the fasts [a last effort to lose some weight, I guess]. Anyway I have realized within three and a half day of fasting that I have a lot in common with my idol Jughead. The first day of fasting Moni promised she would make some yummy Khichdi. Having had nothing besides an apple and two cups of tea in the entire day, it sure sounded promising. Oh, how I wish it could have looked and tasted like that too. Lesson learnt on Day 1: Stay away from burnt peanuts, especially if you have a bad taste in your mouth.

Day 2: Moni was contrite. Promised to make something edible. Foolishly I agreed. Ate two apples instead of the usual one, just to be on the safe side. Good I took that measure. What was served in my plate made even Rachit crunch up his nose and ask, “What is that??”

Day 3: The time had come to do something. Two days of going hungry is not good for your temper. Decided to take matters in my hands. Thought of experimenting with a new kind of dish. It turned out well but alas... the quantity was barely enough for the two hungry souls.

Started hallucinating and dreaming about food since last night. And I have been watching all the cookery shows on TV. MORBID, isn’t it? And you know what is the worst part? Making hot steaming Maggi for the two monsters AND watching them relish every bite....

P.S. Jughead, I know what it feels to be hungry all the time..

Behind the Veil

The footprints of people dead and gone
The whispering voices I hear alone
That single touch I longed to steal
I see thee standing behind the veil..

The answers to questions I asked in vain
All doubts that weren’t washed away by rain
The flood of tears held back and sealed
For the truth that lies behind the veil..

Mine eyes have searched for thee so long
A glimpse sufficed with entity gone
Believing thou still has the power to heal
Mine eyes meet thine behind the veil..

Eyes that see yet cannot cry
Arms that long to hold on tight
Lips that move but words unseen
Silenced by the curse behind the veil..

I know not how to cross the gate
Neither the answer to change the state
I know now how it makes you feel
A fluttering heart behind the veil..

The veil between some hearts that care
The veil divides, the veil makes us share
A love like the world has never seen...

I’ll wait each breath
for the last breath that seals
My final journey
Behind the veil...

The Last Words

“My dear child, I’ll have to go
And leave you all alone
Remember me with love tender
When I’m dead and gone

In the morning if you miss that hug
Or in the noon, that smile,
In the evenings the words of prayer
My child, I’ll bless you from miles...

If you are ever set against the odds
Don’t bend or break down
Remember someone believes in you
Apart from the Great one with the golden crown

Don’t cry... Don’t shed these tears
They are pearls... Can’t you see?
They may drop down from your eyes
But it’s my heart that bleeds...

I hate to leave you alone, my child
But since there is no other way
This night of sorrow shall pass
And we’ll meet again some day...”